Minions: The Rise of Gru - The Movie Novel Page 2

  “Uh, Mini Boss?” Bob asked. “No la ti pa todo… para tu?”

  He wanted to cuddle. Normally, Gru would tell him to hop on in bed, and they’d sleep next to each other, but he had the biggest interview of his life tomorrow morning. He didn’t want to smell Bob’s farts all night.

  “Yeah, I get it,” Gru said. “But I need a good night’s sleep, so get out.”

  “Oh,” Bob said sullenly. “Me ya la naci korang. Que sa panise.”

  “Okay, fine, fine.” Gru caved. “Because you had a nightmare. But just tonight.”

  The Minion smiled as he climbed into bed next to Gru. He tucked himself beneath the covers and fell fast asleep. But it wasn’t long before another Minion appeared from the closet. Kevin stood there, hoping to get into bed as well.

  “Ah scusa?” he said. “Eh mi? Para de vidal por ma de vio.”

  “Oh really? You too?” Gru said, skeptical. He was not buying this whole nightmare story. “Get in.”

  Kevin snuggled right next to him, on his other side. Gru tried to get comfortable, but the bed was too full. Every time he tried to turn over, there was nowhere to go.

  “Boodnight,” Bob said happily.

  “Boodnight,” Kevin added, snuggling even closer.

  “Yes, yes, yes,” Gru said. “Good night.”

  Then Stuart emerged from the closet and did a running leap onto the bed.

  “Boodnight!” he yelled.

  “I just want to get some sleep…,” Gru tried.

  How was he supposed to be ready for his big interview if the Minions wouldn’t give him a second alone? Gru closed his eyes, but he could feel the Minions practically on top of him. Kevin’s butt was on his arm, which was now numb. Stuart kept kicking him as he tried to get comfortable. Bob was the worst, though. He hadn’t even been in bed ten minutes and the gas had already started.

  Gru groaned, then closed his eyes. Just think of the Vicious 6, he told himself. After a few minutes, he started to dream of pulling off a diamond heist with them. A smile spread over his face, and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

  The next morning, Gru sprang out of bed. He jumped into the shower and washed his hair, even though he hated washing his hair. He scrubbed under his armpits and behind his ears. He dried himself off and combed his hair so it sat perfectly in place. Then he put on his Vicious 6 underwear. They made him feel as if he were already part of the team.

  “I see a bad Gru arising,” he sang as he pulled on the rest of his clothes. “I see a villain on his way. I’m gonna interview with my heroes. They’re gonna love me ’cause I’m the best. Don’t mess up tonight! You’re going to join the Vicious 6!”

  Gru strolled out of his house, feeling better than he had in weeks. His dream was finally coming true. He was going to be a villain—one of the evilest villains in the world. No one at school would laugh at him then.

  “Here is the bad Gru on the rise…,” he sang softly.

  He didn’t get more than two steps before he ran smack into Bob, Kevin, and Stuart. They were standing on the front porch, waiting for him.

  “Puncha-meena-toba,” Kevin said. “Pinta-view.”

  “Oh…” Gru nodded. “You want to come.”

  The Minions nodded excitedly. Bob jumped up and down. Gru knew the Minions could be relentless when they wanted something. When the Minions responded to Gru’s “Help Wanted” ad, they wouldn’t take no for an answer. They even stood vigil in the rain to convince Gru to hire them! Of course, it turned out that the “rain” was just water from a hose, but it worked on Gru all the same.

  “Right… okay, guys…,” Gru started. “Here’s the thing…. The Vicious 6, they’re the big leagues. And you guys… are great… and so… the job you did on the lair, A-plus.”

  The Minions stared at him, wondering where this was going.

  “It’s just…,” Gru continued. “What I was thinking is, there are a lot of other villains in the world. You know?”

  “No. Porque?” Bob said. No, he didn’t know.

  Gru let out a deep breath. This was going to be harder than he thought it would be. The Minions weren’t getting it. They really were not getting it.

  “Never mind. Look,” Gru went on. “I think I just need to fly solo on this.”

  The Minions were still staring at him as if he’d just smacked them across the face. Gru kept talking and tried to keep it positive. This wasn’t goodbye forever. It was just goodbye for… well, maybe it was ever. But he had the Vicious 6 now. Who cared about the Minions?! Soon he’d be laughing it up with Belle Bottom or doing bench presses with Stronghold.

  “See you later, alligators!” Gru called over his shoulder. Then he strode down the front stairs and climbed onto his bike. He sped off, ignoring the Minions staring after him. Gru could think only of the Vicious 6 and his big interview. He kept going over what he would say.

  In just two hours, he’d be one of the most powerful villains in the world!

  Wild Knuckles stared at his television set. He’d been watching the Villain Network Channel, the only thing that made him forget how terrible the past few days had been. His so-called team had left him in the jungle to die. They’d betrayed him, stolen the Zodiac Stone, which he’d found, and kicked him out of his own crew.

  It had taken him forever to get out of that jungle. He had the bug bites to prove it. Now that he was back home, he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d get revenge on his “friends.” Yeah, he was old and had a bad back and knees, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from retrieving his treasure.

  “Breaking news from one of the grooviest villain teams in the world… the Vicious 6!” an anchor said, appearing on-screen.

  Wild Knuckles’s stomach dropped. Belle Bottom stood in front of a backdrop with the Vicious 6 logo.

  “Villains of the world! In three days, when the clock strikes midnight and the Chinese New Year begins, this bad boy’s power is going to be unleashed!” Belle Bottom held up the Zodiac Stone—the very stone he had stolen. “With the power of the zodiac, we’re going to take out the Anti-Villain League—and the Vicious 6 will be the most powerful villains on the planet. Can you dig it?!”

  Wild Knuckles couldn’t take it anymore. He kicked the TV and knocked it over.

  “Do I dig it?” he repeated. “Do I dig it? I don’t dig it. There’s nothing to dig! They thought they could leave me for dead, huh?”

  He turned to the three henchmen standing in the corner of his living room. They weren’t as good as the Vicious 6, but hey—beggars can’t be choosers.

  “Kick me to the curb like a piece of old meat?” Wild Knuckles said, annoyed. “Oh, they got no idea what’s coming! Ha!”

  “Um… Mr. Knuckles?” one of the henchmen asked.

  But Wild Knuckles was so furious he barely heard him.

  “Oh, I’m going to make them suffer for what they did to me,” he raged on.

  “Hey… Mr. Knuckles?” the henchman repeated.

  “WHAT?!” Wild Knuckles roared.

  “We, uh, just wanted to make sure we’d be getting paid this week,” another said.

  “What a mouth on you,” Wild Knuckles snapped. “I’m paying you with knowledge!”

  “You are?” the first henchman asked.

  Wild Knuckles smacked him hard across the face.

  “Lesson one: Always be prepared!” He laughed.

  The first henchman ran forward, and they began to spar. Every time the henchman tried to throw a punch, Wild Knuckles blocked it. The old man kept getting into the henchman’s space, landing blows to his ribs and legs.

  “Lesson two,” Wild Knuckles yelled as he blocked another punch. “The Belgian Five-Armed Nose Pick.”

  His hands were everywhere. For a brief moment, it looked as if Wild Knuckles had five arms. He jammed his fingers into the henchman’s nose, eyes, and ears.

  “And lesson three: the Lithuanian Hair Cut!” Wild Knuckles laughed.

  Wild Knuckles reached into the henchman’s collar and ripped off a patch of his chest hair. The henchman wailed in pain. Wild Knuckles looked down at the pile of black curls in the palm of his hand and blew it all right into the henchman’s face. The man stumbled backward, trying to brush it out of his mouth.

  “That’s worth all the money in the world.” Wild Knuckles laughed.

  But the three henchmen looked less than convinced. The one guy was still rubbing at his chest, where there was now a giant pink patch.

  “Hey, guys, fuggadaboutit.” Wild Knuckles laughed. “You’re gonna get paid. But first, we gotta get the Stone back.”

  Gru repeated the address in his head the entire ride there. He wasn’t able to write it down, and it would’ve been too risky anyway, so he memorized it. When he finally pulled up in front of 417 Main Street, he was surprised to see a record store. CRIMINAL RECORDS read the sign above the door.

  He strode inside, searching for anyone who looked as if they might be in charge. Dozens of people milled about, thumbing through vinyl records and 8-tracks. There was no clear entrance to the Vicious 6’s lair, though he knew it would be carefully hidden. Who was he supposed to say the password to? How was he supposed to know how to use it?

  He spotted a huge, muscular guy looking through some records. Gru walked over to him and tried to seem nonchalant.

  “Hello there,” he said, all friendly. “Excuse me, sir?”

  The man glared at him, his cheeks bright red. He looked as if he wanted to break Gru in half.

  Gru continued, “I just was wondering if… you’re no good?”

  That really seemed to anger the man. He was twice the size of Gru, and he leaned down, getting right in his face. He growled like a rabid dog.

  “Oh,” Gru said sweetly. “You’re good. My mistake.”

  Gru tiptoed away, grateful he hadn’t gotten pummeled. But when he turned around, trying to figure out where to go next, he was completely confused. Where was the entrance to the Vicious 6’s hideout? Why would they tell him to go here if it wasn’t clear?

  WHAM!

  He felt something cool and sticky on his cheek. He looked down and noticed a thick, green, sticky hand.

  “Gah!” he yelled, trying to shake it off.

  A man with an oval face and a sharp, pointy nose stood behind him.

  “Oh, sorry!” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just trying out this new invention of mine. I call it ‘Sticky Hand,’ or ‘Smart Goo.’ I haven’t quite landed on the name yet.”

  The man flicked his wrist, and the Sticky Hand flew back, away from Gru.

  “Come here,” he whispered, a sneaky smile curling on his lips. “I heard you were looking for something… special.”

  “Ah yes!” Gru said, relieved. “I was hoping… you’re no good.”

  The man slipped behind the counter and retrieved something, then passed it to Gru. It was a vinyl record.

  “I think you’ll enjoy listening in booth three,” the man said. “Right this way….”

  Gru stared at the record in his hands. He was so excited about his interview, the Vicious 6, and this weird but evil-seeming man who was helping him, that he didn’t notice the four tiny faces pressed against the record store’s front window. Kevin, Stuart, Bob, and Otto had followed him there.

  The man led Gru to a booth with an OUT OF ORDER sign. The booth had folding glass doors and contained a record player.

  “This is it,” the man said, waving Gru inside. “Mum’s the word. Keep it down. Good luck! Let ’em have it, son.”

  “Thanks, Mr.”—Gru peered down at the man’s name tag—“Nefario.”

  “That’s Doctor Nefario,” the man corrected him. He passed Gru the sticky hand thing. “Here, take this. And if you ever get famous, remember who gave you your first gadget.”

  “Okay,” Gru said, but he was so focused on the record that he just wanted this Dr. Nefario to go away. He slipped the vinyl disc onto the record player and set the needle on top of it. The song “You’re No Good” by Linda Ronstadt came on. He waited a minute, but nothing happened.

  Dr. Nefario tapped on the glass.

  “Try backwards,” he said, pointing to the record.

  Gru pressed his finger down on the record and started rotating it in the opposite direction. The music stopped. Instead, there was a secret message. A man’s voice said, “Welcome to the Vicious 6….”

  The listening booth suddenly transformed into an elevator, and Gru was sent flying downward into the depths of the building. He landed with a thud. The doors opened to a waiting room packed with villains. Everyone sat in threatening, stone-faced silence. One especially menacing villain was sharpening a giant cleaver.

  “Hello? Everybody here for an interview?” Gru asked. No one responded. “Me too.”

  He walked over to an empty chair and plopped down, but his stomach was doing somersaults. Now that he was finally here, he’d never been so nervous in his life. What order were they being called in? Was what he was wearing okay? He had to remember to stand up straight, because when he hunched, he looked smaller than he actually was. They probably didn’t want a small villain.

  “So what do you guys got going on later?” he asked, glancing around at his fellow interviewees. “Are you up to no good? You gonna get into some mischief?”

  A minute passed, and still no one said anything to him. The silence was driving Gru insane. All he could think about was how nervous he was and what he was going to say. How was he going to impress them?

  He turned to the massive villain next to him. “What do you drive? I got a Jet Bike.”

  An intercom buzzed, and a familiar voice echoed through the room.

  “Send the first one in,” Belle Bottom said.

  The secretary looked at Gru. “They’re ready to see you, Mr. Gru.”

  “Oh good. Great,” Gru mumbled, but he felt terrible.

  He stood and opened the door. The Vicious 6 sat at the end of a long walkway. As soon as Gru saw them, his heart started pounding in his chest. His throat was dry. He could barely breathe.

  He took one step, then another, his mind completely blank. He was so focused on the team that he nearly walked right off the walkway. When Gru was finally right in front of them, he remembered the speech he’d rehearsed a hundred times in his bedroom. He had to say it. His time was now.

  Gru straightened his scarf and sweater.

  “Distinguished villains!” he said. “My name is Gru. I feel like I’m talking too loud, even though our proximity doesn’t require this kind of volume.”

  The Vicious 6 all stared at him. They didn’t smile. They didn’t even blink.

  “If you’d told me when I was ten that I would have the chance to fill the shoes of my favorite villain ever, Wild Knuckles,” he went on, “I would have said you got rocks in your head. But now that I’m eleven and three quarters, it makes a lot more sense.”

  Belle Bottom turned toward the door, annoyed. “All right, who let the kid in?”

  “I thought he was a tiny man!” Jean-Clawed laughed. He smacked his claw on the table.

  Belle Bottom narrowed her eyes at Gru. “What’s wrong with you? You seriously think a puny little child can be a villain?”

  “Um. Yes,” Gru said. “I—I am pretty despicable. You don’t want to cross me.”

  “Evil is for adults,” Belle Bottom continued. She hit a button, and suddenly a panel in the wall behind her slid back, displaying the Zodiac Stone. “Adults who steal powerful, ancient stones and wreak havoc, and not for tubby little punks who should be at school! Learning. Taking a recess. Sucking his thumb.”

  The Vicious 6 laughed. It started out small, but then they were really cracking up. The laughter echoed in Gru’s ears. He wished he could just fall into the floor and disappear. He’d never wanted to be somewhere else so badly.

  “Come back when you’ve done something to impress me,” Belle Bottom said when she’d finally stopped laughing. Then she stared out the door, looking at something behind him. “Who’s next?”

  Gru tried not to cry. He turned and started walking out, and the next villain strolled in past him. He was a round man in a skintight pink jumpsuit.

  “I am Wing Man!” the guy yelled. “The next member of the Vicious 6! Behold the power of flight!”

  He spread his arms out wide, but nothing happened. The Vicious 6 stared at him, but then, in an instant, he blasted off toward the ceiling. He was out of control, though. He zigzagged across the room in weird, uneven bursts.

  Belle Bottom pulled out a lasso and tried to rope him in, but it was no use. The man’s rockets were too strong. The other members of the Vicious 6 helped her, and they all tugged on the rope together. Gru stood near the desk, his eyes locked on the Zodiac Stone. They were all so distracted by Wing Man that they’d left their most valuable possession unprotected.

  Gru pulled out the Sticky Hand Dr. Nefario had given him. He tried to use it, but it smacked him in the face, putting him flat on his back on the floor. Gru stood up and tried again, flinging the hand across the room. This time he managed to grab the Stone. Then he darted for the exit.

  The Vicious 6 were still wrestling Wing Man to the ground. They managed to get him onto their desk, but then Belle Bottom caught a glimpse of the empty display. She turned to the exit and spotted Gru, running with something tucked under his arm.

  “He took the Stone!” Belle Bottom yelled.

  “I’ll get him!” Stronghold roared. He pummeled his giant boxing gloves against the walkway, making it crumble. But Gru was just quick enough. He made it to the end before the ground could collapse under him, and then he slipped out the door.

  “Lock down the building,” Belle Bottom commanded.

  Gru had made it up the elevator and out of the listening booth when the alarm sounded. The music playing in the record store stopped. All the customers who’d been milling about turned and stared at Gru.

  “I didn’t—I—” he muttered. Then he stuck the Stone under his jacket. “Nothing to see here.”

  He tried to be casual. He walked out of the store, checking out a few albums on the way before bumping into a man. It was Dr. Nefario, and he was staring at Gru. For a second, Gru was convinced that was the end, that Nefario would bust him. Then the man smiled a sneaky, underhanded smile.