Despicable Me 3--The Junior Novel Read online

  He was dressed head to toe in white, with a white fedora and sunglasses. He was smiling, a big genuine smile, and seemed to have the confidence and personality Gru had always hoped for.

  “Gru!” he said as he got closer.

  “Dru!” Gru said, thrilled. Not only did he have a brother, but the brother looked exactly like him. They were mirror images of each other.

  But then, with a flick of his wrist, Dru took off his hat. His mop of golden hair cascaded down onto his shoulders. Gru’s smiled faded. He couldn’t stop staring. It was so thick… so lustrous. The hair of angels, or catalog models, or the boys on the playground who made fun of Gru when he was small. It was simply… beautiful.

  “Ahhhh!” Dru hugged Gru tight. “Brother! I am hugging you! I’m so happy!”

  Gru stood there awkwardly, not quite sure what to do with his arms. Dru was hugging him so hard he’d picked him up off the ground. Dru grabbed Gru’s scarf with both hands, pressing his cheek against Gru’s. Gru squirmed, a bit uncomfortable with the affection.

  “After all these years, finally I’m meeting you!”

  “Yup, good,” Gru said, wondering when he could get away.

  Dru turned, noticing Lucy and the girls.

  “Oh, look at that! You must be the beautiful wife!” he said. “How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald?”

  Dru rubbed Gru’s head as if he were polishing a bowling ball. Then he turned, grabbing Gru’s shoulders. “I’m joking!” He laughed. “Who doesn’t love this guy? Look at him!” Gru almost smiled, but then Dru added, “Oh, but hair would make you better.”

  Dru laughed again and then playfully punched Gru in the stomach. As he started tickling his sides, Gru tried to appear calm. In actuality, he wanted to sock Dru right in the nose.

  “I wanna tickle you!” Dru laughed. “I wanna tickle you!”

  The girls laughed right along with him.

  “These must be my nieces!” Dru turned to them. “You’re Agnes—you are small with big eyes. And it makes me want to put you in my pocket! And Edith—I can tell that you are a little mischievous. We’re gonna have to make a little trouble later.”

  “I already have…,” Edith said. She’d taped a KICK ME sign to Fritz’s back, and now Dave and Jerry were both kicking him in the shins.

  “Fist bump for mischievous behavior!” Dru said, bumping his knuckles against Edith’s. “And Margo! Oh, you are so mature. I’m guessing what… fifteen?”

  “She’s twelve!” Gru snapped. “She looks twelve. She will always be twelve.”

  “Your discomfort is hilarious.” Dru laughed. “Oh man, having a brother is the best! What could be better than this?”

  He punched Gru in the stomach again, just for fun.

  “I dunno…,” Gru grumbled. “Never having met you?”

  “I love your sense of humor,” Dru went on. “It’s funny because it’s not true!”

  Lucy must’ve noticed how annoyed Gru was because she took a step into the great hall. “So, Dru… this place is amazing. I mean, you just walk through the doors and you’re like: wooooowwwooowwooooo!!”

  Dru’s face grew serious. “Eh. It’s nice, I guess, sure. I’m not really into ‘things.’”

  Then he flung open some nearby doors, revealing a row of expensive cars.

  “This is so cool!” Edith said. “Oh my gosh, he’s even got a helicopter!”

  Gru couldn’t help himself—he had to look. Sure enough, there was a giant red helicopter sitting right next to one of Dru’s fanciest cars. It seemed brand-new.

  “This is the best!” Agnes said, jumping up and down.

  Gru slowed his pace so he was walking beside Lucy. They let the girls go ahead with Dru.

  “Yes, the best,” Gru managed to say. “All right, let’s go home now.”

  “Home? Why?” Lucy asked.

  “I don’t know, this guy, with the mansion and the cars and… all the hair,” Gru moaned. “Silky-smooth, luxurious hair. I feel worse than I did before I came.”

  Lucy gave Gru a sympathetic nod. Of course Dru made Gru feel bad about himself. The fancy cars, and the giant mansion, and the private plane… all after they’d just lost their jobs working for AVL. Poor Agnes had been selling her belongings on the street.

  But they were there already, weren’t they? And Dru was family, wasn’t he? How could they fly back now?

  “He’s your brother, Gru,” Lucy said, as if that settled it. “Give him a chance.”

  CHAPTER 9

  Gru and Dru strolled through the grounds behind the mansion. They followed Dave and Jerry, who were running up to every pig they saw and getting right in its snout.

  “Ooooo, piggy, piggy!” Dave yelled at a piglet.

  Fritz had taken Lucy and the girls on a tour of Freedonia so Gru and Dru could have some alone time. Now they were walking and talking… alone. Gru was so uncomfortable that he wanted to ride one of the pigs off into the sunset.

  “So how are things going for you, career-wise?” Dru asked.

  Gru smiled as big as he could. “Ahhaaaaa… great. So, so great. Crushing it.”

  “Well, I’ve got something that I think you will find very interesting. Hold on to your face, Brother,” said Dru.

  Dru stopped in front of a stone statue of a pig. He stuck his finger into the pig’s snout and a remote control popped out. Then he punched a code into it and grabbed Gru’s hand. The ground beneath them dropped a few inches. Dru looked down, disappointed. Clearly something else was supposed to happen.

  He jumped up and down, stomping on the platform beneath them until the trapdoor gave way. Gru and Dru plummeted into an underground lair.

  “Aaaahhhhhhh!” Gru screamed, his stomach dropping. “Whaaaaaaaaaa!”

  The Minions dove in behind them, riding their new friend—a huge pink pig—and carrying its little piglet in their arms. They all fell several stories until a massive fan at the bottom slowed their speed. Dru floated for a moment and then landed gracefully. Gru fell flat on his head.

  Thunk! Boof!

  Dave and Jerry weren’t far behind. Dave reached up, catching the piglet just in time. Jerry raised his arms, preparing to catch the pig, but it smushed him flat.

  “Le salami!” Dave cried.

  “Come on, come on,” Dru said, waving Gru over. He strode down a long hallway lined with statues of Gru family villains. Dru wrapped his arm around his brother.

  “What is all this?” Gru asked, noticing a statue that looked a lot like him, if he were six inches shorter.

  “The pig farm was just a cover for the real family business,” Dru said.

  “Haha!” Dave pointed to a statue of a woman villain. “C’est Gru con boobs!”

  Dru stopped in front of the door at the end of the hall. “Now, feast your eyes on…” He pressed a button and the door opened, revealing one of the most sophisticated lairs Gru had ever seen. There were dozens of high-tech computers, holograms, weapons, and gadgets. “Dad’s lair! Ta-da!”

  “Whoa whoa whoa, wait…,” Gru said, taking it all in. “So our dad was a villain?”

  “Not just a villain!” Dru said. “But one of the greatest of all time!”

  Gru turned, looking up at an oil painting of a man with his face. There were so many similarities—they had the same eyes, the same long, hooked nose. And unlike Dru, his father was also bald.

  “That’s him?” Gru asked. “That’s our dad?”

  “He was so proud of you,” said Dru. “And what a great villain you were.”

  “He was?” asked Gru, surprised.

  Dru nodded. “But me… not so much.” He took a longing look at the portrait of their father. “To Dad, I was just a failure. He never thought I had what it took to be a villain.”

  Dru paused for a moment and looked to his brother. “But now you can help me prove him wrong. Brother, teach me the art of villainy!”

  Dru leaned in close and raised an eyebrow.

  “No. No, no, no,” Gru
said. “I can’t do that.”

  “What? But it’s our family tradition! You can’t say no to that!”

  Gru shook his head solemnly. “Look, I’m sorry. I’ve left that life behind me. End of story.”

  Dru let out a deep sigh. His shoulders slumped. It was the most upset Gru had seen him all day.

  “Oh, okay. I understand,” Dru said sadly. Then he turned to a lever on the wall. “Hmmm… I wonder what this does?”

  He pulled the lever and the floor opened up; Dave, Jerry, and the pigs all fell below. Within seconds, an amazing villain vehicle, a cross between a Lamborghini and a spaceship, popped up. It was gold, with two red leather seats and a turbo blaster on the back. Dave, Jerry, and the pigs were all squished inside.

  Gru took a few steps toward it, amazed.

  “Dad’s villain wheels. Pretty slick, huh?” Dru stepped closer, whispering in Gru’s ear. “Want to take her out for a spin? Just for some fun?”

  Then Dru spread out on the hood of the car. He smiled his most mischievous smile.

  Gru looked at him, then at the car, then back at him.

  “Hmmmmm…,” Gru mused, considering it.

  Just one ride, just for a few minutes. Was there any harm in that?

  CHAPTER 10

  Their little stunt on the reality show cost the Minions their freedom. The Minions were promptly rounded up and thrown in jail with some of the most hardened criminals.

  But if those criminals were hard… the Minions were harder. Mel ruled the roost, finally becoming the villain he’d always dreamed of being. The Minions had food fights. They snapped wet towels at other inmates when they tried to take their showers. But no matter how powerful Mel became, no matter how much he was feared, he couldn’t help but feel a hole in his heart. Something was missing, and that something was Gru.

  One day, when he was eating his lumpy mashed potatoes, he sculpted them so they looked like Gru. He stared at the image of Gru, missing his former boss.

  Mel decided then: He’d find Gru. They’d go back to him, even if he wasn’t so villainous anymore. That’s when Mel came up with his plan.…

  CHAPTER 11

  Welcome to the annual Freedonian Cheese Festival!” Fritz called out.

  The village square was filled with people. A man threw cheese daggers at a woman on a spinning wheel. Another villager tossed colorful hoops at bottles, trying to win the carnival game. A line of villagers passed Lucy and the girls, singing a song they didn’t recognize.

  Agnes and Edith ran to a booth at the side of the road. The man was selling giant lollipops, candy bars, and caramels wrapped in shiny foil. Edith grabbed a lollipop and held it high in the air.

  “Lucy, can we get these?” she asked.

  “Okay, but only one each. I mean it,” Lucy said, taking out her wallet. She paused before handing the girls a wad of cash. “No, I don’t! Get as many as you want, I don’t care!”

  “Yay!” the girls cheered. They ran to the booth and bought fistfuls of candy.

  Margo sighed.

  “What?” Lucy asked.

  “It’s okay to tell them no sometimes, too, you know,” she said. “Moms need to be tough.”

  Lucy nodded. “Right, tough. I can totally do that. You know, still figuring out this mom thing. Getting my sea legs!”

  Just then Agnes spotted a store with a unicorn out front. Only it wasn’t a store… it was a bar called the Tipsy Unicorn. That didn’t matter to her, though.

  “A unicorn!” she cried. “Can we go in there! Please please please? Please???”

  Lucy looked at the pub. Suddenly the doors flung open, and two burly guys flew out, wrestling each other to the ground. “Um, sure…,” she said. “But first, let’s, um… ooh, look! It’s a traditional Freedonian dance! How amazing does that look?”

  Just a little farther up the road, there was a group of boys and girls around Margo’s age. They wore traditional Freedonian garb. The boys all held trays with wedges of cheese on them. One by one the girls approached the boys, took a bite of their cheese, and the crowd cheered. Each pair walked off together.

  “Oh no, look at that poor little guy,” Lucy said, staring at the one boy who was left onstage. “With his little boots. Nobody picked him. Margo, why don’t you go up there?”

  “No way!” Margo said, backing up.

  “Okay,” Lucy agreed. But then she realized… this was her chance to be firm. Moms needed to be tough. “No—go take a bite of his cheese, young lady. Right now.”

  “What?” Margo’s eyes were wide.

  “Oh, come on, just do it,” Lucy said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

  Margo stared at the little boy onstage and sighed. Lucy was right—he looked miserable. She trudged up the stairs and introduced herself, and he told her his name was Niko. Then she took a bite of his cheese.

  “Hmmm…,” she said, chewing.

  “Yes, yes, yes!” Niko cried. “Thank you, Margo! Woo-hooo! Margo, you have made me the happiest man in Freedonia!”

  Niko’s family rushed around him and cheered.

  “BAM!” Lucy yelled. “I am a great mother! Did you see that, girls?”

  She turned, waiting for Edith and Agnes to respond, but they weren’t there. She glanced around. They weren’t anywhere.

  “Oh no…,” Lucy said, panicking. “Agnes! Edith!”

  CHAPTER 12

  Look!” Agnes cried as she ran through the pub. She pointed up at a mounted horn on the wall. “A unicorn horn! My little brain is going to explode!”

  Edith rolled her eyes. “Ugh, Agnes. That’s a fake.”

  Agnes stared at the horn, her smile falling.

  “Ohhhh, it’s real alright,” a voice said behind them.

  A burly man put a drink down in front of a customer, then leaned over the bar, smiling at the little girls. “That horn came from the Crooked Forest. The only place on earth where unicorns still live.”

  A couple at one of the tables started laughing. Another man snickered as he threw a dart. It seemed as if all the villagers had heard this story before.

  “Go on, laugh!” the bartender said. “Laugh, all of you! They all think I’m crazy. But I’m telling you, I saw one once. With my own eye!”

  Agnes stared up at the man, completely enthralled. “Wait, wait, wait…,” she said. “You saw a for-real, live unicorn? What did it look like? Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? Was it… fluffy?”

  “It was so fluffy I thought I was going to die,” the bartender said.

  “Do you think maybe I could find one, too?” Agnes asked.

  The man nodded. “They say if a maiden pure of heart goes into the Crooked Forest, the unicorn will come… and be hers forever.”

  Agnes couldn’t take it anymore. A real, live unicorn that she could take home as a pet? She squealed in excitement, her shriek filling the entire pub.

  Just then Lucy busted through the doors with a high kick. She made her way through the crowd, kicking and punching patrons as she went. A chubby, bearded man took a boot to the face. She threw another man into an arcade game. She lifted a table and smashed it down on two villagers’ heads. Then she grabbed the handles on a foosball table and slammed them into a man’s gut.

  “Goal!” she yelled.

  She was so pumped up it took her a moment to remember where she was. She spotted Agnes and Edith across the room. “Girls! Don’t worry, I’m here!”

  She grabbed Agnes, hugging the girl to her chest. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “We’re fine—are you?” Edith eyed Lucy as if she were insane.

  Agnes looked at Lucy, grinning.

  “Unicorns are really real! And I’m gonna find one!!” she said, pointing to the unicorn horn mounted on the pub wall.

  Agnes ran out of the pub, still yelling in excitement. Lucy grabbed Edith’s hand, finally realizing the havoc she’d caused. There were people strewn all over the floor. A grown man was sobbing loudly, his face in his hands.

 
“Sorry I went a little mama bear on you,” she said, backing out the door. “You know, I heard a scream and… yeah, okay. Have a good one!”

  She smiled and waved, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. Then they rushed off to find Fritz.

  CHAPTER 13

  Zero to four hundred in three seconds!” Dru yelled over the sound of the engine. “Able to withstand a nuclear blast, armed to the teeth!”

  He pushed a button on the dashboard and dozens of guns, bombs, and spikes popped out of the car from all sides. Gru stared at them in awe.

  “Okay, that’s pretty nice,” Gru admitted. He could barely move. They were going so fast his whole body was glued to the seat, his cheeks blown back by the force. Dru turned the corner, and a tractor was coming right at them. He smashed through a roadblock, and the car flew off a cliff. They were in free fall, plummeting down to the ocean.

  “Ahhhh!!” Gru screamed, seeing his life flash before his eyes: tucking Agnes into bed, playing with little kitten finger puppets, watching the girls dancing in their tutus. Lucy.

  Dru hit another button on the dash. Two grappling hooks flew out of the front of the car, metal cables spiraling behind them. They dug into the cliff’s edge, and the car swung down, its tires landing against the rock. Dru slammed on the gas, and the car drove right up the rock wall and back onto the road.

  “Help me!” Gru screamed, his eyes only half open.

  Dru didn’t seem to notice. He kept going just as fast until they approached a village. The car screeched to a stop.

  “Wait for me here!” Dru called as he hopped out. He ran over to a candy truck that was parked on the side of the road. A sign on the door read CLOSED DUE TO CHEESE FESTIVAL. Dru picked the lock and went inside. Seconds later an alarm sounded, and Dru emerged with two huge lollipops. He pushed Gru into the driver’s seat.

  “Did you just steal candies?” Gru asked.

  “Yes!” Dru said cheerfully.

  “That was a lot of effort for two lollipops.”